Name a Black Hole After Someone Who Sucks

For only $10 you can name a black hole on the International Black Hole Registry. The site specifically encourages you to choose someone or something that sucks. Sick burn. Black holes suck in all light and nothing escapes its gravity. Sound like anyone you know?

The name won’t be used scientifically or anything, it’s part of its own database. The registry’s FAQs state that in order to actually claim an object in space, you have to plant a flag on it. Something not at all possible when it comes to black holes. Your certificate also comes with coordinates. So we assume that means you’re not naming one of those wandering black holes we recently found out about. 

Name a Black Hole After Someone Who Sucks_1
EHT Collaboration

The International Astronomical Union is in charge of official naming celestial objects. Most stars, black holes, and exoplanets are named things like WASP-22 or Sagittarius A* (the black hole at the center of our galaxy). The black hole registry is similar to the certificates from the International Star Registry that were on the walls of seemingly every teenage girl in the ’90s. Except those cost $54.  

There are likely billions of billions of black holes in the universe. So this is a potentially trillion dollar idea, even at the low price of $10 ($20 if you want a physical certificate rather than a digital one). Boing Boing, where we first learned about this, seems to suggest Ted Cruz as a solid choice. We can definitely think of plenty of politicians who suck these days.  

A still frame from a 360-degree visualization of what it's like to fall into a black hole.
ScienceClic English

I don’t think I have any enemies, but if I did this is the exact right combination of petty and nerdy for my taste. Or at least I don’t think I have any enemies. I guess I’ll find out if someone registers my name. 

Melissa is Nerdist’s science & technology staff writer. She also moderates “science of” panels at conventions and co-hosts Star Warsologies, a podcast about science and Star Wars. Follow her on Twitter @melissatruth. 

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Author: Melissa T. Miller